


Unboxing Your Fiance's Dildo Collection

by Scotland_Axel (orphan_account)



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Dildos, Engagement, Established Relationship, M/M, Moving In Together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2018-01-09
Packaged: 2019-03-02 15:49:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13321446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Scotland_Axel
Summary: Sam and Steve are engaged and moving in together and one of the boxes Sam opens is full of sex toys. Dildos. It's just a box of dildos. Owned by none other than Captain America.





	Unboxing Your Fiance's Dildo Collection

**Author's Note:**

> I literally don't know what this is. No one asked for this. No one needed it. But here it is.

Sam sighs after unpacking all their boxes for the bedroom, and satisfied that they now have a place to sleep whenever they call it quits, moves on to his next box. 

It doesn't have a label on it oddly enough considering Steve was beyond thorough with that side of moving, but Sam just shrugs off the oddity and unfolds the flaps. He gasps and looks up at his fiance, Steve looking oh-so-innocent as he unwraps china plates. 

“Steve… Steve is this box of dildos yours? Do you  _ own _ all these dildos?” Sam asks, more shocked than when he found out Santa was a commercialist lie. 

Steve looks up at him and all the color drains from his face. Steve shoots to his feet and trips over a box as he comes to stand over Sam.

“Okay, listen,  _ listen. _ Yes, I do, but it's not what you think.”

“What I'm  _ thinking  _ is that you  _ use  _ them.” Sam replies. 

Steve nods, frowning, “Well— yeah, I do, but only because it'd be wasteful not to and as a boy who's lived through the depression, I don't waste things.” 

Sam snorts and looks down at the colorful sex toys, “It seems pretty wasteful to have what's gotta be at least more than 50 dildos, Steven.”

Steve winces, “Please don't pull out the Steven, it's a  _ collection _ , ok? Some of those are  _ novelty.”  _

Steve crouches down and rifles through the box before pulling one out. “Ooh, ooh, like this guy! It's a  _ gnome _ , but a  _ dildo _ . It's a dildo gnome, Sam!”

“Uh huh?”

“A gnome that goes up your butt! Now tell me if you saw that on a shelf you wouldn't buy it.” Steve reasons, looking in awe at the sex toy in his hand. 

“So let me get this straight, you...you  _ collect _ dildos.”

“Yes.”

“We are engaged to be married, I've been with you for six years, how have I never known this?”

Steve grins at him, and shrugs, “I'm good at keeping secrets?”

“You're unbelievable is what you are.” Sam laughs, shaking his head as Steve sits on the floor next to him, and pulls the box closer. 

Steve smiles at him nervously, “You wanna see my favorite ones?” 

“Yes, please.” Sam answers, seeing for whatever reason that this is important to his fiance. 

Steve wriggles his eyebrows as he reaches into the box again, “Now  _ this  _ one is shaped like a blunt.” 


End file.
